My Aphorisms

I first started writing aphorisms in the early 1980s, when I was about 20. I practice the “spontaneous combustion” method of composition; that is, the aphorisms spontaneously occur in longer stretches of text.

This is in contrast to the “deliberate composition” method, whereby an author deliberately sits down to write aphorisms and consciously works on individual lines to that end.

Once an aphorism appears, I do revise and rework it, if necessary. But most of my aphorisms emerge pretty much complete and intact.

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Without the hole, a doughnut is just another form of sugared toast.

A smile looks a lot like a wince.

What inures is ignored.

The Earth does not regret its orbit.

The best response to a great performance is not applause but silence.

You can never look in the same mirror twice.

Burn your ships at night and in the morning build bridges.

Use sharpens a dull axe.

You need the long form to form the long view.

An infant’s smile is the universe’s seal of approval.

Not many people live in the desert.

Cultivate a certain distance from yourself, as one tends to avoid radiation.

Dare to be unprepared.

The greatest compositions incorporate into the score the sound of the musicians turning the sheet music.

At night, after the children have gone to sleep, we can hide their presents all over the house.

Thought begins where habit ends.

Eating is good because it gives you something to do. If you think too much, just order pizza.

To see clearly, look askance.

Literature is the art of finding fresh new ways to say the same old things.

Spring: When everything that died in winter gets a chance to rot.

Advice is given freely because so much of it is worthless.

Having a map doesn’t prevent you from making unexpected discoveries.

The art of writing is the art of knowing what to leave out.

X + Y = You

Big things are accomplished by accomplishing little things first.

Preparing for something brings it about.

Black humor suits a funeral as much as black suits.

There is not much room for error in an eggshell.

Rumination is the enemy of revolution.

In the margin for error lies all our room for maneuver.

The trouble with me is I’m already there.

Counting on things going wrong makes it easier to count your blessings when they don’t.

Sometimes, you need a door slammed in your face before you can hear opportunity knock.

Cliches are aphorisms that have become victims of their own success.

Dictionaries are, by definition, not definitive.

More is achieved with finesse than with force.

What we do while doing nothing cannot be done in haste.

Tears always appear at the extremes, greasing the joints between pleasure and pain.

Aphorisms are not drive-thru windows of the soul.

People tend to salute anything unnaturally bright, at least until the shade from their hands reveals what it really is.

A thread’s only strength is clinging.

Open your hands and you open your heart.

Life: adjusting a necktie in a funhouse mirror.

Prepare for spontaneity — now.

Money is poor compensation for all the time we lose in making it.

Following in other people’s footsteps is fine, as long as you are big enough to fill their shoes.

It is easy to get lost in the moment, and then to mistake that moment for eternity.

The long, lonely walk back to the drawing board concentrates the mind wonderfully.

Familiarity breeds complacency not contempt.

After a certain age, we are granted a new way of telling time: counting the people we know who have died.

The serenity that often comes with age consists primarily of the realization that we can’t do much about anything anyway.

You never know what you can do until you are tried.

Don’t celebrate when you finish something. Completion is just the first stage of collapse.

Who notices their feet unless there is a stone in their shoe?

You must understand a thing completely before you can safely ignore it.

An animal must feel at least temporarily safe in order to really enjoy a meal.

To see clearly, one must very often squint.

You can’t warm yourself at a distant fire.

The seen and the scene often disagree.

Never be serious in public.

There’s never nothing left to learn.

I would rather be a voice in the desert than a face in the crowd.

Our mistakes make us interesting.

The numinous is the nitty-gritty.

There is always time between beginnings to do the whole thing over again.

Poetry is the best turds in the best ordure.

Too many facts spoil the plot.

The bar opens when the casket closes.

Even what is nearest, most prolific, is invisible unless properly lit.

If you are in danger then you are really alive, like a nun’s orgasm.

To get your foot in the door, first get it out of your mouth.

Image trumps information.

You need a lot of dots to know where to draw the line.

In a crisis, inspiration is better than consolation.

Small stuff tells big stories.

The trouble with me is I’m not here.

Rehearse the minor hurts enough and the major ones don’t hurt.

Laughter blows away the dust from our eyes.

Why I like juggling: The illusion of flight, deft mastery of falling’s art; because to have what you hold you have to throw it away as soon as it’s caught.

The laws of physics get you down.

Self-doubt is the beginning of wisdom.

It is hard not to become pushy when the wind is at your back.

Never trust an animal — no matter how many legs it has.

Young people should picnic in active volcanoes.

Imagine their embarrassment when all the members of the orchestra arrived at the performance wearing the same outfit.

All thinking is wishful thinking.

Often, the smartest thing you can do is to play dumb.

The dark side retains its power by imposing a blackout.

When in doubt, remain in doubt.

It’s getting dark. Let’s celebrate.

A manuscript that’s ready to be read by others is a feast the cook is no longer able to enjoy.

Wisdom begins not with wonder, but with wondering.

You only really discover the strength of your spine when your back is against the wall.

People lose common sense when they gain dollars and cents.

Trying to consciously control your thoughts is like trying to install a faucet on Niagara Falls.

There are certain mistakes we enjoy so much that we are always willing to repeat them.

You can’t expect a change of scenery if you never veer from the beaten track.

“I am nothing,” the Buddha said. “I really do not exist. I am an open window. I am a bus stop.”

To inspire, first inflame.

Sometimes, two goldfish in a bowl are enough.

It’s hard to think clearly in someone’s arms.

A postcard, circa 1985, with one of my aphorisms on it, from Annex Productions

 

The Ultimate Dictionary of Wit and Wisdom

September 2012

The Ultimate Dictionary of Wit and Wisdom coverBased in USSome of my aphoristic definitions appear in this anthology, compiled by Belgian gnomologist Gerd de Ley.

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Hotel Amerika

Volume 9, Number 2, Spring 2011

The Hotel Amerika coverBased in USThree of my Assays appear in this issue of the literary journal, which is completely devoted to aphorisms. You can see a PDF of the Assays here.

Het Groot Citatenboek van de 21ste Eeuw

October 2010

Buy the book OnlineBelgian publicationSome of my aphorisms appear in Het Groot Citatenboek van de 21ste Eeuw (The Big Quotation Book of the 21st Century), compiled by Belgian gnomologist Gerd de Ley.

FragLit

Fall 2010, Issue 7 – September 2010

US EditionFour of my Assays, abbreviated aphoristic essays, appear in the Fall 2010 issue of this online journal dedicated to fragmentary writing, edited by Olivia Dresher.

Zikison

September 2009

Serbian publicationA handful of my aphorisms appear in Zikison 65, a weekly journal of political satire, cartoons and humor published in the Balkans.

Het Grootste Citatenboek ter Wereld

August 2009

Buy the book OnlineBelgian publicationSome of my aphorisms are included in Het Grootste Citatenboek ter Wereld (The Biggest Quotation Book in the World), compiled by Belgian gnomologist Gerd de Ley. The book contains some 35,000 quotations from roughly 10,000 authors.

My Articles about Aphorisms

The Independent

October 14, 2012

The wit of the wise

Where would we be without aphorisms, asks James Geary

Forbes.com

August 2009

Sudden Wisdom
Aphorisms are literature's hand luggage—no other type of writing does so much with so little.

The Takeaway

Oct. 8, 2008

The presidential campaigns and the war of witty words

The Takeaway talks with James Geary about political aphorisms.

Time Out London

Time Out LondonMarch 12–18, 2008
Slogan’s Run

James Geary on those pithy little sayings that capture universal truths in a nutshell

National Post (Canada)

Nov. 29, 2007
The Art of the Aphorism


The Huffington Post

The Huffington Post's site logoOctober 2, 2007
I’m a regular blogger for the Huffington Post. Check out: There Is an Aphorism for Everything

International Herald Tribune

June 23, 2006
Never Argue With An Aphorism