My Aphorisms

I first started writing aphorisms in the early 1980s, when I was about 20. I practice the “spontaneous combustion” method of composition; that is, the aphorisms spontaneously occur in longer stretches of text.

This is in contrast to the “deliberate composition” method, whereby an author deliberately sits down to write aphorisms and consciously works on individual lines to that end.

Once an aphorism appears, I do revise and rework it, if necessary. But most of my aphorisms emerge pretty much complete and intact.

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Never trust an animal — no matter how many legs it has.

Rumination is the enemy of revolution.

Literature is the art of finding fresh new ways to say the same old things.

The long, lonely walk back to the drawing board concentrates the mind wonderfully.

There’s never nothing left to learn.

You can’t warm yourself at a distant fire.

There are certain mistakes we enjoy so much that we are always willing to repeat them.

After a certain age, we are granted a new way of telling time: counting the people we know who have died.

It’s getting dark. Let’s celebrate.

Not many people live in the desert.

I would rather be a voice in the desert than a face in the crowd.

Black humor suits a funeral as much as black suits.

When in doubt, remain in doubt.

The Earth does not regret its orbit.

To see clearly, look askance.

Why I like juggling: The illusion of flight, deft mastery of falling’s art; because to have what you hold you have to throw it away as soon as it’s caught.

The trouble with me is I’m already there.

Poetry is the best turds in the best ordure.

Aphorisms are not drive-thru windows of the soul.

People lose common sense when they gain dollars and cents.

Our mistakes make us interesting.

Spring: When everything that died in winter gets a chance to rot.

The trouble with me is I’m not here.

Dictionaries are, by definition, not definitive.

Without the hole, a doughnut is just another form of sugared toast.

The seen and the scene often disagree.

Small stuff tells big stories.

There is always time between beginnings to do the whole thing over again.

What we do while doing nothing cannot be done in haste.

Counting on things going wrong makes it easier to count your blessings when they don’t.

Dare to be unprepared.

Eating is good because it gives you something to do. If you think too much, just order pizza.

Don’t celebrate when you finish something. Completion is just the first stage of collapse.

You can never look in the same mirror twice.

At night, after the children have gone to sleep, we can hide their presents all over the house.

To get your foot in the door, first get it out of your mouth.

Too many facts spoil the plot.

Tears always appear at the extremes, greasing the joints between pleasure and pain.

Money is poor compensation for all the time we lose in making it.

Following in other people’s footsteps is fine, as long as you are big enough to fill their shoes.

The laws of physics get you down.

The art of writing is the art of knowing what to leave out.

Wisdom begins not with wonder, but with wondering.

Image trumps information.

X + Y = You

Big things are accomplished by accomplishing little things first.

Advice is given freely because so much of it is worthless.

There is not much room for error in an eggshell.

The best response to a great performance is not applause but silence.

More is achieved with finesse than with force.

Even what is nearest, most prolific, is invisible unless properly lit.

A thread’s only strength is clinging.

“I am nothing,” the Buddha said. “I really do not exist. I am an open window. I am a bus stop.”

Prepare for spontaneity — now.

All thinking is wishful thinking.

To see clearly, one must very often squint.

A smile looks a lot like a wince.

You can’t expect a change of scenery if you never veer from the beaten track.

Rehearse the minor hurts enough and the major ones don’t hurt.

Often, the smartest thing you can do is to play dumb.

Burn your ships at night and in the morning build bridges.

Life: adjusting a necktie in a funhouse mirror.

Use sharpens a dull axe.

Open your hands and you open your heart.

Laughter blows away the dust from our eyes.

Thought begins where habit ends.

People tend to salute anything unnaturally bright, at least until the shade from their hands reveals what it really is.

Sometimes, you need a door slammed in your face before you can hear opportunity knock.

Imagine their embarrassment when all the members of the orchestra arrived at the performance wearing the same outfit.

Trying to consciously control your thoughts is like trying to install a faucet on Niagara Falls.

You need the long form to form the long view.

In a crisis, inspiration is better than consolation.

Never be serious in public.

It is easy to get lost in the moment, and then to mistake that moment for eternity.

Who notices their feet unless there is a stone in their shoe?

An animal must feel at least temporarily safe in order to really enjoy a meal.

The dark side retains its power by imposing a blackout.

You never know what you can do until you are tried.

Having a map doesn’t prevent you from making unexpected discoveries.

Preparing for something brings it about.

A manuscript that’s ready to be read by others is a feast the cook is no longer able to enjoy.

To inspire, first inflame.

What inures is ignored.

In the margin for error lies all our room for maneuver.

Self-doubt is the beginning of wisdom.

It is hard not to become pushy when the wind is at your back.

The serenity that often comes with age consists primarily of the realization that we can’t do much about anything anyway.

An infant’s smile is the universe’s seal of approval.

Familiarity breeds complacency not contempt.

It’s hard to think clearly in someone’s arms.

You only really discover the strength of your spine when your back is against the wall.

Young people should picnic in active volcanoes.

You need a lot of dots to know where to draw the line.

You must understand a thing completely before you can safely ignore it.

The numinous is the nitty-gritty.

Sometimes, two goldfish in a bowl are enough.

If you are in danger then you are really alive, like a nun’s orgasm.

The greatest compositions incorporate into the score the sound of the musicians turning the sheet music.

Cultivate a certain distance from yourself, as one tends to avoid radiation.

The bar opens when the casket closes.

Cliches are aphorisms that have become victims of their own success.

A postcard, circa 1985, with one of my aphorisms on it, from Annex Productions


The Ultimate Dictionary of Wit and Wisdom

September 2012

The Ultimate Dictionary of Wit and Wisdom coverBased in USSome of my aphoristic definitions appear in this anthology, compiled by Belgian gnomologist Gerd de Ley.


Hotel Amerika

Volume 9, Number 2, Spring 2011

The Hotel Amerika coverBased in USThree of my Assays appear in this issue of the literary journal, which is completely devoted to aphorisms. You can see a PDF of the Assays here.

Het Groot Citatenboek van de 21ste Eeuw

October 2010

Buy the book OnlineBelgian publicationSome of my aphorisms appear in Het Groot Citatenboek van de 21ste Eeuw (The Big Quotation Book of the 21st Century), compiled by Belgian gnomologist Gerd de Ley.


Fall 2010, Issue 7 – September 2010

US EditionFour of my Assays, abbreviated aphoristic essays, appear in the Fall 2010 issue of this online journal dedicated to fragmentary writing, edited by Olivia Dresher.


September 2009

Serbian publicationA handful of my aphorisms appear in Zikison 65, a weekly journal of political satire, cartoons and humor published in the Balkans.

Het Grootste Citatenboek ter Wereld

August 2009

Buy the book OnlineBelgian publicationSome of my aphorisms are included in Het Grootste Citatenboek ter Wereld (The Biggest Quotation Book in the World), compiled by Belgian gnomologist Gerd de Ley. The book contains some 35,000 quotations from roughly 10,000 authors.

My Articles about Aphorisms

The Independent

October 14, 2012

The wit of the wise

Where would we be without aphorisms, asks James Geary

August 2009

Sudden Wisdom
Aphorisms are literature's hand luggage—no other type of writing does so much with so little.

The Takeaway

Oct. 8, 2008

The presidential campaigns and the war of witty words

The Takeaway talks with James Geary about political aphorisms.

Time Out London

Time Out LondonMarch 12–18, 2008
Slogan’s Run

James Geary on those pithy little sayings that capture universal truths in a nutshell

National Post (Canada)

Nov. 29, 2007
The Art of the Aphorism

The Huffington Post

The Huffington Post's site logoOctober 2, 2007
I’m a regular blogger for the Huffington Post. Check out: There Is an Aphorism for Everything

International Herald Tribune

June 23, 2006
Never Argue With An Aphorism